Monday, March 26, 2012

Mandi and the Cop VS. The Spider

It is well known in the Masshole house, that Mandi and spiders do not get along. Like one should not even put them in the same sentence, let alone the same room! Now that I no longer have my trusty spidey squisher (aka The Ex) I have come to terms with the fact that those little fuckers and I are in an all out war. As of Friday afternoon the score was Mandi- 3 Spiders- 0.... That was until I was on my way to go visit some family members...

I was driving down a semi busy street, right past a well known speed trap, when all of a sudden the biggestnastiestmotherfucking  spider started to crawl eye level on my windshield. Praying it was on the outside, I flicked my wipers on. Panic instantly hit me when I realized it was on the INSIDE! I have conveniently just cleared out my SUV so I had not a thing to attempt to kill it will. So instead of swerving like a maniac and panicking behind the wheel, I hauled ass into the parking lot of a local sports store, and immediately jumped out of my vehicle. I was freaking out like there was no tomorrow. 

 All of a sudden this large man dressed in black approached me and in a deep monotone voice said "Ma'am are you okay?". 
Quickly realizing that he was a police officer, and I better get my shit straight before I end up in the local looney bin, I managed to breathe out "There's a giant... spider.... in... my .... car....".
Sensing that I am completely scared shitless of spiders he says, again in his deep monotone voice "Would you like me to get that for you Ma'am?"
I screamed out "YES!" before he can even finish his sentence. 
He then reaches into my car and sees the poor unsuspecting spider getting closer to the driver side edge of the windshield, pulls out a hanky and squishes the little fucker. 
"Would that be all Ma'am?" He says, voice not wavering once.
"Yes, thank you so much." I manage to squeak out calmly.
 I get back into my SUV and drive away. My two little people had slept silently the whole time in the back seat, never wiser.

I was (still am!) mortified to say the least. And I know for a fact I was/will be the laughing stock of the B----------- Police Dept for quite some time.

Final score- Mandi-3 Cop-1 Spiders- still ZERO!


  1. Pardon me for this love... but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *hugs and a garfield shaped spider swatter* -Mom T

  2. Hilarious! I've done the same thing!

    Thanks for the chuckle.

  3. I love you, bestie!

  4. thanks for the great laugh

  5. i spent a whole entire day in the parking lot of my apartment because there was a GIGANTIC spider in the door frame, i could not get in my house with out going under it and the HUGE web it had made...i did mustard up enough courage to just see what it looked like and it was the ugliest spider i have ever had a huge bump on its back and it was all bumpy...when my neighbor came home...finally at like 7 that night he killed it. aparantly the spider was pregnate and when he hit it all the babys started running all over the plac.....I FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT. Needless to say i did not stay at my apartment that night and called the exterminator the next morning!

  6. Ha! I hate spiders and routinely kill them around here. They infested our deck and back yard when we bought the house and for 2 months I had to kill them each time we wanted to open the back door! Great story, glad the cop helped you.